he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
