woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize