The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
