Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
