At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
