So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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