I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
