'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
