Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize