The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
