I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i've created a new STD.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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