i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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