The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
