omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
