Can Purell be used as lube?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can't put those talents on a resume
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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