Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
