I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
