No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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