Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She's the barista slut.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
