Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
