btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We smell like vodka and hangover
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