remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
