Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
