This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
