Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
