there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
