Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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