I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
