you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
