so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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