Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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