There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize