yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize