She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
