if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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