I think my fart just growled at me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
