He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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