I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I could make wine with my vomit
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
