Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
