Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
