I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
