Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
