Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize