CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
