what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
