I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im holly from the hills drunk
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
