She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
