I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
