It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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