:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize