you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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