He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize