This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
