That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
