apparently the secret to your success is patron
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
