Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize