If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just pynch a tree in the face
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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