Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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