Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
