i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
