I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
