I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
