I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
