forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
