I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
so much tequila, so little girl.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
