The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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