so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
