I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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