remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
