I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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