Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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