the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize