So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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