just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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