What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
