sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize