She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
