awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I fill condoms, not promises.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
