Redeem this text for a blowjob
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
