That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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