He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
