we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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