all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
