so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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