what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
