I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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