I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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