Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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