where am i from again
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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