NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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