she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
