Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
