Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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