My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
