he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
