Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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