Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
