I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
