oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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