You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
