I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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