You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
