I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize